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April 18, 2014

I am Guilty and I have a Confession to Make


The first time it happened was just over 20 years ago.   
I was frustrated with my child and spoke in anger.
The words flew out of my mouth and within seconds of leaving my lips I realized the inevitable had happened.  
I sounded just like my mother.  

I stood there feeling like I had just been jolted into some strange alternate universe where parents find themselves saying something they swore long ago that they would never say.  It's a promise many of us make, long before we actually become Mothers and Fathers.  Back when parenting seemed so simple.  It was gut wrenching guilt that swept over me.  Minutes later I was apologizing to my children and making a new promise - this time to myself.  I promised to hold my tongue and remember what it is like to walk in another's footsteps before I spoke.  
You know, walk a mile in their shoes....

A few weeks ago I broke that promise and once again, I felt instant guilt wash over me.  

Yes.  Sometimes, I have a problem wearing unfamiliar shoes.

I had come home from a 12 hour day at work to find the house an even bigger wreck than I had expected.  I didn't stop to ask how my husbands day was or notice the three piles of washed and folded laundry sitting on the sofa.  I didn't know my sons had both worked late and that although my husband had worked late as well, he had still managed to make a great dinner for our family.  

Tired and frustrated, I let angry words flew out of my mouth. 
"Look at this place! Have you guys done nothing today?"

Once again, I was instantly horrified.  Well, not instantly... but within a few minutes.  It was during those few minutes, while walking to my bedroom that I thought how seriously ticked off I would have been if the roles had been reversed and my husband had said that to me.  I had forgotten my promise to walk in another's shoes before I spoke.  

So there I was, 20 years later - and here I am now...apologizing again.  
Apologizing and being forever thankful that I married a guy who loves me and forgives easily...


no matter what shoes I am wearing.

3 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for this today. I have been struggling lately with emotional exhaustion, and I have definitely not been putting myself in someone else's shoes before I speak. I definitely needed a reminder to do so.

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  2. Love it! Where in the WORLD do you always come up with the perfect picture????

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  3. Yes. And yes. All those words I wish I could take back.

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