Downton Abbey Extras

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Downton Abbey & Mrs. Pattmore on ABC

MRS. PATTMORE  in this clip from  ABC's ONCE UPON A TIME

Here is the 2nd sneak peek video clip of Downton Abbey's, Lesley Nicol, in ABC's Once Upon A Time. The episode is called, The Queen Is Dead and it airs this Sunday! Woo Hoo!!

How great was that?  If only all little girls had mothers like that.   I know what I'll be watching on Sunday!

MRS. PATTMORE  in this clip from  ABC's ONCE UPON A TIME

Here is the 2nd sneak peek video clip of Downton Abbey's, Lesley Nicol, in ABC's Once Upon A Time. The episode is called, The Queen Is Dead and it airs this Sunday! Woo Hoo!!

How great was that?  If only all little girls had mothers like that.   I know what I'll be watching on Sunday!

The Fluffy Girl would like to make an ANNOUNCEMENT

On a normal blog the first sentence you  read would typically be something link this:

"I am so excited to announce that I have been chosen to be a Shaklee180 blogger and share my weight loss over the next 180 days with you!"


But this is no normal blog.  I think we all know that. 
I am the girl who got in trouble in the testing center for my cell phone alarm going off - almost getting a zero on my test until the lady looked at my phone and saw a cartoon fat lady with the flashing words "Get to the GYM Chubby Chubster!!"  I had thought it would motivate me.  She laughed and  I got to finish my test.  Super nice of her but not your normal college testing center experience.  Forget normal - that's just not me.  I'm going with honest.

So, here it is the truth - an honest first sentence:

"Although initially excited, I am now also nervous and slightly horrified at the thought of sharing the next 180 days of my weight loss journey as a Shaklee180  blogger.  Videos and before photos?  Lord, give me strength."

I applied to be part of this group of amazing women bloggers,  never thinking in a zillion years I would be chosen.  But, like most of my life, fate has once again stepped in and handed me an experience that I can turn into something pretty wonderful if I just put in the effort.  I am a lucky girl and I know it.  The products I get to use are AMAZING and I've been meeting women who are their own Shaklee180 success stories - having been previous Shaklee Bloggers.  So cool.  The down side is that it is also completely up to me just how wonderful or UN-wonderful I feel on day 181.  That's a lot of pressure! Seven years ago I was a size 6....now?  Not so much.  

So, I will be writing all about my Shaklee journey each month -  Starting today.  This is my official announcement and I'd like to share with you the final motivation I received this week. Two moments are firmly and forever burned in my brain.  

the fluffy black sweater

1.  My son got married a few days ago. AND, believe it or not...there were photos taken.  In my mind I have somehow convinced myself that a big sweater or a flowing dress (black of course) gives the illusion that June is not the chubby gal that likes to laugh - no, she is just big boned and everyone knows sweaters make women only LOOK fluffy.  It's not me - its the sweater.
After a not-very-pleasant  dress shopping experience for my mother of the groom dress - which included a few tears and me half laughing half crying while my poor daughter tried to help save me from suffocation and loss of circulation by a pair of SPANX  in a dimly lit handicapped dressing room - I was ready for change.  BIG TIME.  

Notice the grip on my shoulder...yeah, he liked me.

2. Number two was kindly handed to me by my old pal FATE just yesterday.  I had gone to lunch with my sister.  Salads at Zuppa's.  In honor of becoming a new and smaller  me (hopefully) starting on March 1st.  Just as we were getting ready to leave we noticed Jef Holm from The Bachelor. (If you are not familiar with the show, he is the cute guy from UTAH who won/was chosen by the Bachlorette to be his bride) The point is, I watched the show, loved him and he graciously took a photo right there in Zuppa's with me.  So cool...right? 

Again, if this was a normal blog I would tell you all about how gorgeous he was, how I am sure I was going to have to let him down and tell him "sorry Jef, I'm married...It's can never be".  But no.......

You know what I thought when he put his are (firmly) around my shoulder?  The first thing that popped in my head was, "Dang...If only he could see me in 180 days..."   True Story.  Then I noticed how thin HE felt.   Yes, I felt him.   

I wondered... Was he really that skinny or was I so "fluffy" that I could snap this cute boy like a twig.... So maybe he only seemed skinny....  Oh, dear....it was probably both.  

We left Zuppa's and my sister handed me my phone.  I looked down at the photo she had just taken....yep, the photo proved it.....it was the "snap him like a twig" theory.   How embarrassing. 
I was to much fluff for Jef.  And now I had photographic proof.  Awesome.  
Thanks so much FATE - for motivation #2.  I hate you.

I don't need any more help. This Fluffy gal is 100% on board and I can't think of a better way to get my "bachelor crushing size" back to an acceptable number than with the Shaklee180 turnaround program. If fate had to hand me fluffiness at least I also got a good remedy.  I've been reading up on these guys and so far I am pretty impressed.  
I officially begin on March 1st.  I  got my box of goodies from Shaklee yesterday and it got me excited to get going. I will be video blogging as well as writing posts right here on my not normal blog. The truth is that I can use all the support I can get - I like to think I am a tough, secure woman but I think we all have those issues that make us feel vulnerable - like young girls again. And for me, this is one of those issues. 

Hi.  I'm Simply June and I'm Simply Fluffy.  But.....I am also going to be a Simply Shaklee for 180 days...and I promise fate has good things in store.  I know this because it's all up to me.  It's not just a number on a scale or a dress size - it's feeling good - feeling healthy.  It's scary and exciting all at the same time.  But isn't all change?
I hope you'll follow along!

Me, my new Shaklee180 kit and a fluffy orange sweater

You can also follow myself and other bloggers on Twitter at @Shaklee180, @ShakleeHQ and on FB and on FB as Shaklee180.

Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post as part of the Shaklee Corporation blogger program. I will be receiving free products, online support and incentives for participating. My opinions are my own. People following the weight-loss portion of the Shaklee 180 Program can expect to lose 1-2 pounds per week. 

On a normal blog the first sentence you  read would typically be something link this:

"I am so excited to announce that I have been chosen to be a Shaklee180 blogger and share my weight loss over the next 180 days with you!"


But this is no normal blog.  I think we all know that. 
I am the girl who got in trouble in the testing center for my cell phone alarm going off - almost getting a zero on my test until the lady looked at my phone and saw a cartoon fat lady with the flashing words "Get to the GYM Chubby Chubster!!"  I had thought it would motivate me.  She laughed and  I got to finish my test.  Super nice of her but not your normal college testing center experience.  Forget normal - that's just not me.  I'm going with honest.

So, here it is the truth - an honest first sentence:

"Although initially excited, I am now also nervous and slightly horrified at the thought of sharing the next 180 days of my weight loss journey as a Shaklee180  blogger.  Videos and before photos?  Lord, give me strength."

I applied to be part of this group of amazing women bloggers,  never thinking in a zillion years I would be chosen.  But, like most of my life, fate has once again stepped in and handed me an experience that I can turn into something pretty wonderful if I just put in the effort.  I am a lucky girl and I know it.  The products I get to use are AMAZING and I've been meeting women who are their own Shaklee180 success stories - having been previous Shaklee Bloggers.  So cool.  The down side is that it is also completely up to me just how wonderful or UN-wonderful I feel on day 181.  That's a lot of pressure! Seven years ago I was a size 6....now?  Not so much.  

So, I will be writing all about my Shaklee journey each month -  Starting today.  This is my official announcement and I'd like to share with you the final motivation I received this week. Two moments are firmly and forever burned in my brain.  

the fluffy black sweater

1.  My son got married a few days ago. AND, believe it or not...there were photos taken.  In my mind I have somehow convinced myself that a big sweater or a flowing dress (black of course) gives the illusion that June is not the chubby gal that likes to laugh - no, she is just big boned and everyone knows sweaters make women only LOOK fluffy.  It's not me - its the sweater.
After a not-very-pleasant  dress shopping experience for my mother of the groom dress - which included a few tears and me half laughing half crying while my poor daughter tried to help save me from suffocation and loss of circulation by a pair of SPANX  in a dimly lit handicapped dressing room - I was ready for change.  BIG TIME.  

Notice the grip on my shoulder...yeah, he liked me.

2. Number two was kindly handed to me by my old pal FATE just yesterday.  I had gone to lunch with my sister.  Salads at Zuppa's.  In honor of becoming a new and smaller  me (hopefully) starting on March 1st.  Just as we were getting ready to leave we noticed Jef Holm from The Bachelor. (If you are not familiar with the show, he is the cute guy from UTAH who won/was chosen by the Bachlorette to be his bride) The point is, I watched the show, loved him and he graciously took a photo right there in Zuppa's with me.  So cool...right? 

Again, if this was a normal blog I would tell you all about how gorgeous he was, how I am sure I was going to have to let him down and tell him "sorry Jef, I'm married...It's can never be".  But no.......

You know what I thought when he put his are (firmly) around my shoulder?  The first thing that popped in my head was, "Dang...If only he could see me in 180 days..."   True Story.  Then I noticed how thin HE felt.   Yes, I felt him.   

I wondered... Was he really that skinny or was I so "fluffy" that I could snap this cute boy like a twig.... So maybe he only seemed skinny....  Oh, dear....it was probably both.  

We left Zuppa's and my sister handed me my phone.  I looked down at the photo she had just taken....yep, the photo proved it.....it was the "snap him like a twig" theory.   How embarrassing. 
I was to much fluff for Jef.  And now I had photographic proof.  Awesome.  
Thanks so much FATE - for motivation #2.  I hate you.

I don't need any more help. This Fluffy gal is 100% on board and I can't think of a better way to get my "bachelor crushing size" back to an acceptable number than with the Shaklee180 turnaround program. If fate had to hand me fluffiness at least I also got a good remedy.  I've been reading up on these guys and so far I am pretty impressed.  
I officially begin on March 1st.  I  got my box of goodies from Shaklee yesterday and it got me excited to get going. I will be video blogging as well as writing posts right here on my not normal blog. The truth is that I can use all the support I can get - I like to think I am a tough, secure woman but I think we all have those issues that make us feel vulnerable - like young girls again. And for me, this is one of those issues. 

Hi.  I'm Simply June and I'm Simply Fluffy.  But.....I am also going to be a Simply Shaklee for 180 days...and I promise fate has good things in store.  I know this because it's all up to me.  It's not just a number on a scale or a dress size - it's feeling good - feeling healthy.  It's scary and exciting all at the same time.  But isn't all change?
I hope you'll follow along!

Me, my new Shaklee180 kit and a fluffy orange sweater

You can also follow myself and other bloggers on Twitter at @Shaklee180, @ShakleeHQ and on FB and on FB as Shaklee180.

Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post as part of the Shaklee Corporation blogger program. I will be receiving free products, online support and incentives for participating. My opinions are my own. People following the weight-loss portion of the Shaklee 180 Program can expect to lose 1-2 pounds per week. 

The Newest Mr. & Mrs.

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Joshua - My boy is getting married today

My little boy is getting married today! I made a slideshow for the reception of the couple but this one is just for Josh....and I can't get through these photos without crying....lol 

So, I added upbeat music instead of the sentimental stuff. It's going to be a wonderful, emotional day.

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My little boy is getting married today! I made a slideshow for the reception of the couple but this one is just for Josh....and I can't get through these photos without crying....lol 

So, I added upbeat music instead of the sentimental stuff. It's going to be a wonderful, emotional day.

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Quotes for the Day I Become a Mother-in-Law

Baby Sleep Positions for Dummies

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UPDATE!! MUST SEE!! Simply June: My Friend needs your Help

I put this video together hoping to gain an edge on the competition Katy and Paul had entered.  The response was amazing!  Here is the story, with the ending now added.

 Simply June: My Friend needs your Help: Paul Gibbs currently deployed in Afghanistan and will miss the birth of his sweet son.   Katy Gibbs is due February 22nd with a boy named Ev...

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I put this video together hoping to gain an edge on the competition Katy and Paul had entered.  The response was amazing!  Here is the story, with the ending now added.

 Simply June: My Friend needs your Help: Paul Gibbs currently deployed in Afghanistan and will miss the birth of his sweet son.   Katy Gibbs is due February 22nd with a boy named Ev...

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34 signs you are a Mother

1.  Looking at your new born baby, you totally believe you could never, ever be mad or upset with them.

2.  You once thought having teenagers would be easier than having young children - until you had teenagers.

3.  You made the mistake of thinking if you keep a child up late, they will sleep in and not get up at the crack of dawn anymore.

4.  Cant remember the last time you spent a few nights away from the kids, on a romantic holiday.

5.  CAN recall your last romantic holiday - used the time for you and your spouse to get some long over due sleep.

6.  You watch CNN, the Discovery Channel or documentaries far more than you watch sitcoms.7.  You have gone to the store in stretchy pants and your hair in a scrunchie.


8.  You have gone to the store in stretchy pants and your hair in a scrunchie - seen someone you know and hid out in the frozen food aisle so they wouldn't see you in your obviously lacking fashion style.

9.  You often yell for one of your family members but only get out a jumbled mixture of all their names thrown together in a tongue tied side effect of being a mother.

10. On at least one occasion you have pretended to not be home when a friend or acquaintance knocks at your door because you and your house look like a train wreck.

11. You have hidden random kitchen items in the oven in a desperate attempt to quickly clean up.

12. You have answered the question "what's for dinner" with the response, " A phone call to Pizza Hut".

13.  You've served cereal for dinner and don't care in the least what Martha Stewart would have to say about it.

14.  When your child is handed his bowl of cereal and says, "Is this all I get for dinner?"  you say, "No. Of course not.  You also get a spoon."  

15. After spending the last 287 times trying to get a moment of piece in the bathroom - and having you children inevitably decide they are in dire need of your attention at that very moment - bathroom trip #288 ends with you yelling through the door, "You have a FATHER, you know! Find HIM!"


16. You have had at least one child catch something on fire in the microwave.

17. You've had to use every ounce of control not to laugh while disciplining  your kid. 

18. During the "facts-of-life" talk  you start laughing.

19. You have chased your naked child in public.

20. You have pretended nothing out of the norm is going on while your little angel has a complete melt down in the cereal aisle at the grocery store.

21. You have threatened to take your child to school in their pajamas.

22. You have driven your child to school wearing YOUR pajamas.

23. You have said to your teenager, "I hope you have a kid just like you".

24. You have spent part of your church meeting with a half-eaten fruit loop stuck to your skirt.

25. Your diaper bag weighs more than your baby.

26. You spend way to much money on a ridiculous Pokemon toy 

27. You know all the songs from every Disney or Pixar movie and listen to those songs in the car.

28. You have driven around aimlessly in the middle of the night to get your toddler to go to sleep.

29. Your toddler never falls asleep - but your husband does.

30. You have used the phrase "Because I said so"  

31.  After only a short while of being away from your children, you call home because you miss them.

32.  The car seat in the back of your car looks very similar to what the floor under the high chair after a meal.

33.  Potty training was tougher and caused more anxiety than giving birth.

34.  You have mentally decided that if the neighborhood bully doesn't stop messing with your child, you are going to have to put the fear of God in not only the bully, but his parents as well.

35.  Pregnancy did are real number on your body - leaving those so very attractive stretch marks.  And you know it was totally worth it.



Think we could get to 50?  

What would YOU add to this list?






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1.  Looking at your new born baby, you totally believe you could never, ever be mad or upset with them.

2.  You once thought having teenagers would be easier than having young children - until you had teenagers.

3.  You made the mistake of thinking if you keep a child up late, they will sleep in and not get up at the crack of dawn anymore.

4.  Cant remember the last time you spent a few nights away from the kids, on a romantic holiday.

5.  CAN recall your last romantic holiday - used the time for you and your spouse to get some long over due sleep.

6.  You watch CNN, the Discovery Channel or documentaries far more than you watch sitcoms.7.  You have gone to the store in stretchy pants and your hair in a scrunchie.


8.  You have gone to the store in stretchy pants and your hair in a scrunchie - seen someone you know and hid out in the frozen food aisle so they wouldn't see you in your obviously lacking fashion style.

9.  You often yell for one of your family members but only get out a jumbled mixture of all their names thrown together in a tongue tied side effect of being a mother.

10. On at least one occasion you have pretended to not be home when a friend or acquaintance knocks at your door because you and your house look like a train wreck.

11. You have hidden random kitchen items in the oven in a desperate attempt to quickly clean up.

12. You have answered the question "what's for dinner" with the response, " A phone call to Pizza Hut".

13.  You've served cereal for dinner and don't care in the least what Martha Stewart would have to say about it.

14.  When your child is handed his bowl of cereal and says, "Is this all I get for dinner?"  you say, "No. Of course not.  You also get a spoon."  

15. After spending the last 287 times trying to get a moment of piece in the bathroom - and having you children inevitably decide they are in dire need of your attention at that very moment - bathroom trip #288 ends with you yelling through the door, "You have a FATHER, you know! Find HIM!"


16. You have had at least one child catch something on fire in the microwave.

17. You've had to use every ounce of control not to laugh while disciplining  your kid. 

18. During the "facts-of-life" talk  you start laughing.

19. You have chased your naked child in public.

20. You have pretended nothing out of the norm is going on while your little angel has a complete melt down in the cereal aisle at the grocery store.

21. You have threatened to take your child to school in their pajamas.

22. You have driven your child to school wearing YOUR pajamas.

23. You have said to your teenager, "I hope you have a kid just like you".

24. You have spent part of your church meeting with a half-eaten fruit loop stuck to your skirt.

25. Your diaper bag weighs more than your baby.

26. You spend way to much money on a ridiculous Pokemon toy 

27. You know all the songs from every Disney or Pixar movie and listen to those songs in the car.

28. You have driven around aimlessly in the middle of the night to get your toddler to go to sleep.

29. Your toddler never falls asleep - but your husband does.

30. You have used the phrase "Because I said so"  

31.  After only a short while of being away from your children, you call home because you miss them.

32.  The car seat in the back of your car looks very similar to what the floor under the high chair after a meal.

33.  Potty training was tougher and caused more anxiety than giving birth.

34.  You have mentally decided that if the neighborhood bully doesn't stop messing with your child, you are going to have to put the fear of God in not only the bully, but his parents as well.

35.  Pregnancy did are real number on your body - leaving those so very attractive stretch marks.  And you know it was totally worth it.



Think we could get to 50?  

What would YOU add to this list?






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Death comes to Downton - Time to Mourn America

Death Takes Another Crawley

The final episode of Downton Abbey Season 3 has finally aired in America and so far, America is not pleased. Twitter and Facebook fan pages started filling with angry and sad viewers voicing their dismay.  For those of us who watch the series along with the UK, we have known about Dan Stevens leaving for some time now.  The mourning process is just starting for the American viewers.   So, here's a few tips of  what helped us mourn....  

First of all, you can always go back and re-watch all three seasons from the beginning again. (you can watch HERE)  If you pace yourself, maybe it will fill up enough time for you to heal and move on to the idea of Lady Mary with a new man.  

Second, I started watching Call the Midwife!  I was told it would be like Downton Abbey, but it isn't really like Downton at all.  What I would say is that if you enjoy Downton, you will probably enjoy Call the Midwife.  You can watch season one HERE.   

My third & final tip is to stay a fan, have a sense of humor and pray for Jullian Fellowes to write another brilliant script for season 4.

I know it may be hard for some of us to believe, but Downton Abbey will still be a great show with wonderful story lines and superb acting.  It will be okay.  

Have faith my fellow Downton Fan.  Have Faith.

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Death Takes Another Crawley

The final episode of Downton Abbey Season 3 has finally aired in America and so far, America is not pleased. Twitter and Facebook fan pages started filling with angry and sad viewers voicing their dismay.  For those of us who watch the series along with the UK, we have known about Dan Stevens leaving for some time now.  The mourning process is just starting for the American viewers.   So, here's a few tips of  what helped us mourn....  

First of all, you can always go back and re-watch all three seasons from the beginning again. (you can watch HERE)  If you pace yourself, maybe it will fill up enough time for you to heal and move on to the idea of Lady Mary with a new man.  

Second, I started watching Call the Midwife!  I was told it would be like Downton Abbey, but it isn't really like Downton at all.  What I would say is that if you enjoy Downton, you will probably enjoy Call the Midwife.  You can watch season one HERE.   

My third & final tip is to stay a fan, have a sense of humor and pray for Jullian Fellowes to write another brilliant script for season 4.

I know it may be hard for some of us to believe, but Downton Abbey will still be a great show with wonderful story lines and superb acting.  It will be okay.  

Have faith my fellow Downton Fan.  Have Faith.

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Ask me if I have FAITH.

Ask me if I have Faith, and I will tell you - It Depends.    

Yes, I have Faith in many things.  
I have lots of faith in many areas of my life.
I have tons of faith in some and  little faith in others.  
I've lost faith in people I loved.  
I've lost faith in myself.  
I have great faith in very few people.  It's the result of my crazy life.  But I am working on it.

What I do NOT have is Perfect Faith.  I wish I did.  
What I DO have is  Faith in my Heavenly Father and his plan for me.  
What I sometimes lack, is the patience needed while my Faith is being tested.  
And of course, Heavenly Father is well aware of the times I struggle.  
The times when I think my prayers are not being answered - my faith can struggle a bit. Usually because I have the answer I want in my mind - thinking nothing else will do.
When God's answer does not match what I have decided is the best answer - sometimes I get fussy.  There are moments when fussy and frustration is an easier choice than exercising faith & patience.   I always regret those moments.  But I usually learn from them.

I remember a time when we were first married.  My husband had lost his job a few months earlier and although he had finally found a new job, it would be a bit before the first paycheck came in.  It was a stressful time and on top of all that, I was pregnant with our third child. To say money was tight would be an understatement. I was one stressed out super emotional gal.
One night after the kids were in bed, we sat on the living room floor in our tiny apartment and laid out every single dollar we had.  The total was $72.00.  The exact amount we were behind in tithing.  We had almost a week to go before any money would be coming in and although seventy-two dollars was not much, it would be enough to get through that amount of time.  My husband pulled a tithing slip out of his bag and began to gather up each dollar bill in front of me.  We had decided as a couple to commit to making tithing come first.  Surely there were exceptions..... right?
I gave him the look.
I gave him my best "you have got to be kidding me" look.  

He smiled and said he knew we would be blessed.  He said he had Faith and felt good about doing the right thing.  

I did not feel good at all.  I did not have that kind of faith.  I felt weak, vulnerable and annoyed.

I did not smile.  I reminded him we had three kids and an empty fridge.  I told him that I thought it was perfectly acceptable to put off paying tithing in this sort of situation.

Silence.

Then he said, "Let's pray about it and then whatever you want to do, we will do".

I hate when he does that....
I already knew what would happen if we prayed about it.

And so, I did what any other worried, slightly irrational - but well intended - 

god-fearing, but money-strapped, pregnant mother of two would do --- 

I yelled "FINE!"

and then I told him to take the  money right over to the bishop's house right then and there before I changed my mind.  That's just what he did.

As we both knelt by the side of our bed that night, it was my turn to say prayers.  I refused.  
I knew my prayer would be very different this night.  I wanted to yell out to the Lord and challenge him to prove Himself.  I wanted to complain about all sorts of thing.  I said I didn't want to pray because I was upset.  So Brian said prayers that night.  But the truth is that I was afraid.  I was very, very afraid.  

As a Mother, the thought of not being able to feed your children is terrifying.  Maybe I was over emotional.  Maybe because of my own childhood, I could not put my children in any situation where they would go hungry.  My mind raced all night long.  More than anything else, I could not fail at being a mother.  Nothing scares me more - and that night I was terrified.  All these years later, remembering that moment and the fear still brings tears to my eyes.  I fell asleep going over in my mind how the next day,  when this FAITH thing did NOT work out,  I was going to list all the reasons we could have or should have kept that $72.00.  

My husband left for work bright and early. The kids would not be up for a while and I was combing the kitchen cabinets for any sort of breakfast inspiration.  He hadn't been gone no more than half an hour when the phone rang.  I hurried to grab it before the ringing woke up the kids.  Who could be calling at this hour?

It was my Aunt. She was in a hurry but wanted to give me a quick call before she left her house.  She said she would be in my area this morning and wanted to stop by.  She was my favorite Aunt.  She was always kind and happy.    Today - that kind of bugged me. 

I remember rolling my eyes.  I didn't want anyone cheery coming by on what was sure to be a bad, depressing day.   I had barely said, "Sure, I guess....." when I heard her say something about owing me money.   She started apologizing - I forgot all about being depressed.

I had worked at a department store over the last Christmas holidays and during one especially spectacular sale in the Liz Claiborne department, I let my Aunt use my employee account to get a discount. I had forgotten all about letting her use my credit card, and my usually organized Aunt had forgotten as well.  I pulled the phone closer to my ear.  

I listened as she explained how she woke up this morning and all of a sudden she remembered she owed me the money from using my discount.  She was saying it was like "being knocked upside the head".  She was horrified - she never forgot things like this.  She was worried I had thought she had not cared to pay us back.  I thought a couple of dollars saved was no big deal, and I told her so.

I told her it was fine and she said she would be over within the hour.  Just before we said goodbye I asked her, "How much money was it?"  
All I heard was, "It's only $72.00".  After that I was sobbing on the floor.  Never heard her hang up or say goodbye.  I spent one of my most humbling moments in prayer, right there on that kitchen floor.  That morning whatever amount of Faith I had - it doubled.  When my Aunt arrived I was still on the floor, still crying, but with two little kids in pajama's sitting on my lap.

It is exercising our little bits of Faith, that takes what we have and turns it into something bigger, better and stronger.  I'm lucky to have a husband who's faith I can always lean on when mine feels shaky.   I have had many experiences with faith and not all my stories end like this one.  What I have learned, is that when I trust in my Heavenly Father, no matter the outcome, it ends up I'm okay in the end one way or another.  And I ALWAYS learn about myself in the process.  Yeah, I have days when what I learn is - that I have a lot more work to do on myself!  But the funny thing is that when I start by having more faith in myself - that I am stronger than I feel, I am able to keep going.  Keep trying.  Keep exercising that faith of mine.  Sometimes it's a real workout, but sometimes I amaze even myself.

Over the years, and still today when I start to feel my faith dwindle, I remember those Seventy Two Dollars.  I remember refusing to pray, being scared and making myself lean on the microscopic faith I had inside me and cling to the faith of my husband.  I think about how I found myself with no other choice other than exercising faith - no matter how scary or painful it was.  Little did I know that's exactly how faith grows.  

The truth is - exercising faith is really, really hard at times.  If faith the size of a mustard seed could move mountains, maybe my faith is a the same size as a speck of dust.  

So go ahead, ask me if I have Faith.  The answer is Yes.  Today I had enough.  If I find myself lacking, I know where to turn.  I can open many books on my shelf, turn to my loved ones and friends and I am always able to pray - even when I want to refuse - I know He hears the prayers of my heart.  My faith is not perfect.  Far from it.  It's a tiny little thing but I'm trying to exercise it regularly because it's not as big or stong as I'd like it to be.  But that's okay because it's bigger than it used to be.  And as far as I know, in the near future, I will not be required to move any mountains.  Not yet anyway. 

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Ask me if I have Faith, and I will tell you - It Depends.    

Yes, I have Faith in many things.  
I have lots of faith in many areas of my life.
I have tons of faith in some and  little faith in others.  
I've lost faith in people I loved.  
I've lost faith in myself.  
I have great faith in very few people.  It's the result of my crazy life.  But I am working on it.

What I do NOT have is Perfect Faith.  I wish I did.  
What I DO have is  Faith in my Heavenly Father and his plan for me.  
What I sometimes lack, is the patience needed while my Faith is being tested.  
And of course, Heavenly Father is well aware of the times I struggle.  
The times when I think my prayers are not being answered - my faith can struggle a bit. Usually because I have the answer I want in my mind - thinking nothing else will do.
When God's answer does not match what I have decided is the best answer - sometimes I get fussy.  There are moments when fussy and frustration is an easier choice than exercising faith & patience.   I always regret those moments.  But I usually learn from them.

I remember a time when we were first married.  My husband had lost his job a few months earlier and although he had finally found a new job, it would be a bit before the first paycheck came in.  It was a stressful time and on top of all that, I was pregnant with our third child. To say money was tight would be an understatement. I was one stressed out super emotional gal.
One night after the kids were in bed, we sat on the living room floor in our tiny apartment and laid out every single dollar we had.  The total was $72.00.  The exact amount we were behind in tithing.  We had almost a week to go before any money would be coming in and although seventy-two dollars was not much, it would be enough to get through that amount of time.  My husband pulled a tithing slip out of his bag and began to gather up each dollar bill in front of me.  We had decided as a couple to commit to making tithing come first.  Surely there were exceptions..... right?
I gave him the look.
I gave him my best "you have got to be kidding me" look.  

He smiled and said he knew we would be blessed.  He said he had Faith and felt good about doing the right thing.  

I did not feel good at all.  I did not have that kind of faith.  I felt weak, vulnerable and annoyed.

I did not smile.  I reminded him we had three kids and an empty fridge.  I told him that I thought it was perfectly acceptable to put off paying tithing in this sort of situation.

Silence.

Then he said, "Let's pray about it and then whatever you want to do, we will do".

I hate when he does that....
I already knew what would happen if we prayed about it.

And so, I did what any other worried, slightly irrational - but well intended - 

god-fearing, but money-strapped, pregnant mother of two would do --- 

I yelled "FINE!"

and then I told him to take the  money right over to the bishop's house right then and there before I changed my mind.  That's just what he did.

As we both knelt by the side of our bed that night, it was my turn to say prayers.  I refused.  
I knew my prayer would be very different this night.  I wanted to yell out to the Lord and challenge him to prove Himself.  I wanted to complain about all sorts of thing.  I said I didn't want to pray because I was upset.  So Brian said prayers that night.  But the truth is that I was afraid.  I was very, very afraid.  

As a Mother, the thought of not being able to feed your children is terrifying.  Maybe I was over emotional.  Maybe because of my own childhood, I could not put my children in any situation where they would go hungry.  My mind raced all night long.  More than anything else, I could not fail at being a mother.  Nothing scares me more - and that night I was terrified.  All these years later, remembering that moment and the fear still brings tears to my eyes.  I fell asleep going over in my mind how the next day,  when this FAITH thing did NOT work out,  I was going to list all the reasons we could have or should have kept that $72.00.  

My husband left for work bright and early. The kids would not be up for a while and I was combing the kitchen cabinets for any sort of breakfast inspiration.  He hadn't been gone no more than half an hour when the phone rang.  I hurried to grab it before the ringing woke up the kids.  Who could be calling at this hour?

It was my Aunt. She was in a hurry but wanted to give me a quick call before she left her house.  She said she would be in my area this morning and wanted to stop by.  She was my favorite Aunt.  She was always kind and happy.    Today - that kind of bugged me. 

I remember rolling my eyes.  I didn't want anyone cheery coming by on what was sure to be a bad, depressing day.   I had barely said, "Sure, I guess....." when I heard her say something about owing me money.   She started apologizing - I forgot all about being depressed.

I had worked at a department store over the last Christmas holidays and during one especially spectacular sale in the Liz Claiborne department, I let my Aunt use my employee account to get a discount. I had forgotten all about letting her use my credit card, and my usually organized Aunt had forgotten as well.  I pulled the phone closer to my ear.  

I listened as she explained how she woke up this morning and all of a sudden she remembered she owed me the money from using my discount.  She was saying it was like "being knocked upside the head".  She was horrified - she never forgot things like this.  She was worried I had thought she had not cared to pay us back.  I thought a couple of dollars saved was no big deal, and I told her so.

I told her it was fine and she said she would be over within the hour.  Just before we said goodbye I asked her, "How much money was it?"  
All I heard was, "It's only $72.00".  After that I was sobbing on the floor.  Never heard her hang up or say goodbye.  I spent one of my most humbling moments in prayer, right there on that kitchen floor.  That morning whatever amount of Faith I had - it doubled.  When my Aunt arrived I was still on the floor, still crying, but with two little kids in pajama's sitting on my lap.

It is exercising our little bits of Faith, that takes what we have and turns it into something bigger, better and stronger.  I'm lucky to have a husband who's faith I can always lean on when mine feels shaky.   I have had many experiences with faith and not all my stories end like this one.  What I have learned, is that when I trust in my Heavenly Father, no matter the outcome, it ends up I'm okay in the end one way or another.  And I ALWAYS learn about myself in the process.  Yeah, I have days when what I learn is - that I have a lot more work to do on myself!  But the funny thing is that when I start by having more faith in myself - that I am stronger than I feel, I am able to keep going.  Keep trying.  Keep exercising that faith of mine.  Sometimes it's a real workout, but sometimes I amaze even myself.

Over the years, and still today when I start to feel my faith dwindle, I remember those Seventy Two Dollars.  I remember refusing to pray, being scared and making myself lean on the microscopic faith I had inside me and cling to the faith of my husband.  I think about how I found myself with no other choice other than exercising faith - no matter how scary or painful it was.  Little did I know that's exactly how faith grows.  

The truth is - exercising faith is really, really hard at times.  If faith the size of a mustard seed could move mountains, maybe my faith is a the same size as a speck of dust.  

So go ahead, ask me if I have Faith.  The answer is Yes.  Today I had enough.  If I find myself lacking, I know where to turn.  I can open many books on my shelf, turn to my loved ones and friends and I am always able to pray - even when I want to refuse - I know He hears the prayers of my heart.  My faith is not perfect.  Far from it.  It's a tiny little thing but I'm trying to exercise it regularly because it's not as big or stong as I'd like it to be.  But that's okay because it's bigger than it used to be.  And as far as I know, in the near future, I will not be required to move any mountains.  Not yet anyway. 

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