November 14, 2013

The Job Interview

I started a new job recently.  Job searching is not fun so it is nice to be finally done with that process and onto the next phase.  In honor of all those out there searching and stressing out over job interviews, here is my biggest job interview fail, which took place over 20 years ago. And it had a surprise ending.  

My worst Job Interview 

I was nervous. I was applying to work at a fancy department store in the cafe on the top floor. I had only worked in fast food up to this point and was hoping to get my foot in the door where eventually I could move out of working with food all together.  I wanted this job bad and the nerves got to me.

I sat across from the very large man holding my resume.  Every question he asked me I easily and confidently answered.  It was hands down my best interview up to this point, so I was thrilled and very surprised when I was offered the job there on the spot only a half hour later.  

The man who would now be my boss stood up, walked over to a file cabinet and then handed me a bunch of paperwork to start on.  I filled out forms while he sat silently watching.  I hate awkward silence.  (Little did I know the awkwardness had not begun yet - but oh, it sure was about to hit hard)  

I tried to joke a bit, you know, lighten the mood.  Break that silence. Half my brain was trying to joke with this guy - show how super witty I was - and the other half was writing down my details in the small spaces provided. I should have just shut up.  I should have enjoyed the silence.  Instead, I joked a bit about how long it was going to take me to finish all the paperwork.  He said something about how he hated filling out lots of paperwork too.  

Again, I should have just been quiet. Maybe smiled or laugh a little, but no. This is where I go wrong.  I say, "You're the manager! You should just do away with half this stuff."   

His reply was, "I'm the Department Manager but it's the Big Whig's up in the main office who make all the rules".

And then our conversation takes a turn for the worse...

Now what I MEANT to say was, 
"I guess that's why they make the big bucks"

What actually came out of my mouth was, (and remember, my mind was only half aware of the conversation because I was still filling out forms),

"I guess that's why you have a big BUTT." 

Oh yeah....true story. I heard the words flowing out of my mouth just as my brain was registering what I had said.  My brain screamed "Noooooo!"  

It was horrific. I stared at the form in front of me where I had been signing my name.  There was a lovely letter J and only half a U. Half way through printing my name I had frozen - wishing and hoping that this moment was not as bad as I thought.  I hoped.  I hoped with every fiber of my being that he had not heard me. Maybe he didn't notice. I slowly looked up from the paper in front of me - moving only my eyes, and not my bent head. Peeking through some hair that had fallen over my bent head...

Our eyes met....Oh dear. It was clear from the frown on his face.....He had most certainly noticed.  I tried to smile but the damage was done.  The very large man, who I had just called BIG BUTT, told me it was probably time to go. He mentioned I should come back on Monday to fill out the rest of the forms. I could not get out of there fast enough.

I nervously arrived at work on Monday and as I walked in, I was thinking of ways to apologize without making things worse.  I was going to have to work with a manager I had insulted.  I was going to be working for a man whom I had accidentally commented to his face about his back side.  I was concerned I may not have a job after all.   

But, I had I had worried for nothing.  It was a woman who greeted me before I met with the man I had interviewed with.  She smiled and announced I was to begin training in a different department.  She was going to be my boss instead. 

And that is how I got experience working in women's jewelry & accessories instead of working in the cafe. I guess it all worked out in the end. 

And THAT is the 'Simply June' method of moving up the corporate ladder quickly. 

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