November 21, 2012

Thanksgiving Funnies

Jay Leno with a Thanksgiving Quote

"Here I am 5 o'clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird's butt." -Roseanne Barr

Jim Gaffigan: "Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'"

Jon Stewart with a Thanksgiving Quote


  • The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself. -Benjamin Franklin
  • The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving. -H.U. Westermayer
  • There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is. -Albert Einstein
  • You can only govern men by serving them. The rule is without exception. -Victor Kiam
  • I don't have a solution, but I certainly admire the problem. -Ashleigh Brilliant
  • There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money. -Benjamin Franklin
  • Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad. -Norm Papernick

Carl Sagan with a Thanksgiving Quote
Kevin James:

"Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants."

Johnny Carson: "Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often."

Jim Davis with a Thanksgiving Quote

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner-Stay off your thighs!

"Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family member and say, 'How long has Mom been drinking like this?' My Mom, after six Bloody Marys looks at the turkey and goes, Here, kitty, kitty." - David Letterman

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