Slice it myself? That's like, sooo 1980.

Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer

So I came across this Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer on Amazon.com.   American ingenuity & resourcefulness at its finest.  When we sing "Glad to be an American" each 4th of July, I think it's this life saving tool that makes us all so very glad and proud.  Ha!  Take THAT rest of the world!  In your face!!

I am so glad I decided to scroll down and see who, if anyone, had actually purchased said banana slicer!  My curiosity was rewarded with some very entertaining responses.   You HAVE to read the awesome customer reviews of this product!! OH. MY. GOSH. The more I read, the better they got, and the more I laughed. Genius. Brilliant. 
Here are just a few of my favorites...

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5,983 of 6,015 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars No more winning for you, Mr. Banana! March 3, 2011

By SW3K

For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. "Use a knife!" they say. Well...my parole officer won't allow me to be around knives. "Shoot it with a gun!" Background check...HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer consumed by seething anger and animosity towards thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to concentrate on my love of theatre and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I'll call it South Side Story.

Banana slicer...thanks to you, I see greatness on the horizon.

41 Comments | 

Was this review helpful to you?

Yes

No

 10 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars First the Bedazzler, and now this!, October 19, 2012

By 

'Nanas R. Mylife - See all my reviews

My life had gone to the pits of hell. Lost my job, lost my home, lost my man, dog ran away...and then it happened...Hutzler Banana Slicer. Do you ever get that warm fuzzy feeling when you just know something is about to change in your life?? This is the warm yummy feeling I have now,knowing the Banana Slicer is in my life. All of my prayers to the Goddess of 'Nana Slicers have been answered. All of my life I searched,and searched, been around the world and I, I, I...you know the rest! Now, my banana bucket list is complete.

October 18, 2012
By JWB - See all my reviews
My wife, Lorena Bobbit, wanted one but I said no. I'm so thankful she didn't have this lying around in the kitchen.

5.0 out of 5 stars Saved my marriage July 30, 2012

By Mrs Toledo

What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn't already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone.... this is one of the greatest inventions of all time. My husband and I would argue constantly over who had to cut the day's banana slices. It's one of those chores NO ONE wants to do! You know, the old "I spent the entire day rearing OUR children, maybe YOU can pitch in a little and cut these bananas?" and of course, "You think I have the energy to slave over your damn bananas? I worked a 12 hour shift just to come home to THIS?!" These are the things that can destroy an entire relationship. It got to the point where our children could sense the tension. The minute I heard our 6-year-old girl in her bedroom, re-enacting our daily banana fight with her Barbie dolls, I knew we had to make a change. That's when I found the 571B Banana Slicer. Our marriage has never been healthier, AND we've even incorporated it into our lovemaking. THANKS 571B BANANA SLICER!

7 Comments | 

Was this review helpful to you?

Yes

No

5.0 out of 5 stars Necessities 101 for the Recovering Fruit Ninja, October 24, 2012

By 

Indi - See all my reviews

This product has helped me through one of the most difficult phases in my life.

I was one of the rare black belt fruit ninjas raised on Incorporated mountain when my career took off as a master of fruit destruction. Apple had hired me to decimate their fruit population and I was a rising star when the worst happened. During a routine banana extraction I lost focus and, as with all great fruit ninjas, threw a bomb at my chopping board and decided to cut it in half. Needless to say this did not end well and the road to rehabilitation was a long one at Halfbrick Hospital. My experience had traumatised me and I was unable to cut bananas without becoming violently ill. As a result of my fruit free diet I devoloped scurvy and several pirates at the hospital attempted to maroon me on an island. It was at this island that I gained the trust of the local 'Hutzler' tribe and in thanks for my help rescuing the chieftain's daughter I was granted their totem treasure, the 571B. With this treasure in hand I am free of scurvy and on my way to recovery. Thankyou 571B Banana Slicer!

1.0 out of 5 stars Thanks A Heap, Hutzler!, October 25, 2012

By 

clydescutie - See all my reviews

I've been slicing Bananas for my family for YEARS the old fashioned way-with a knife. Then one day after having breakfast at my sister's, the Hubs wanted to know why HER bananas were in such pretty even sliced pieces while the ones I've served for years are raggedy about the edges and not so consistant in size....so I said "Well HER husband gave her a Banana Slicer-what do I have to slice with-a knife! I gave you my youth, I've cooked & cleaned for you for years, the least you could do is have gifted me with a Banana Slicer.But NOOOOOOOOO....no Banana Slicer for me..." Needless to say that it ended in such a row that the neighbors called the cops and both the Hubs & I landed in the pokey for disturbance of the peace and now the money I had carefully saved to buy my very own slicer I needed for bail....so now I am penniless, husbandless ( did I mention he left me for a gal with her own slicer?)and without a slicer which I can't use anymore anyway 'cause since the Hubs left me I have been banana-less, too. So I'm switching to cucumbers-got a slicer for that, Hutzler?

5.0 out of 5 stars Must Have! Don't question it, just hit BUY NOW!, October 22, 2012

By 

MiniAssassin2012 - See all my reviews

For those of you like me who are getting ready for the Zombie Apocalypse, this is a MUST HAVE tool! I had already packed my survival bags when I came across this item and I just couldn't pass it up. When food supplies are low this 571B tool will help you divide bananas equally so no one feels like they are getting ripped off (which could lead to fights and cause noise that could attract zombies). THIS PRODUCT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE!

The only downside that I've found (which on it's behalf is rather amazing) is I lost it yesterday and was searching my whole house trying to find it. I tore through the kitchen drawers and looked everywhere. Then sadly looking at the bananas I realized I'd never be able to slice again, I saw it. Snuggled warmly between two juicy bananas. Great camo 571B, great camo.

3.0 out of 5 stars Size does matter!!!, October 18, 2012

By 

obsessivecompluslive2cm - See all my reviews

Before buying this product I used to carefully measure my bananas with a measuring tape, or a yard stick! I used to tactically slice every little piece to exactly 1.2 cm. The task was ever so tedious. I used to stand in my kitchen for hours making sure every slice of my fruit was absolutely perfect. If it wasn't I would just throw it away and start a new one. Over the years I have had many mental breakdowns due to this obsession, but I refused help.
Then one day after being admitted into a crazy hospital after having a tantrum in the produce isle at the grocery store, I was informed about this banana slicer. So I purchased it. From that moment on, I knew I was going to be okay! The healing process is so much better with this slicer thank you so much for such a great invention!

5.0 out of 5 stars Some things are worthy every penny...., November 3, 2012

By 

Simplyjune - See all my reviews

This review is from: Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer (Kitchen)

I ordered the slicer last Christmas. Oh my, you should have seen their happy excited little faces that Christmas morning. Sure, at $6.00 it was over budget but you just gotta splurge and treat yourself sometimes, right? Besides, I could not have my children attend school with a banana that wasn't sliced! And what about when the other kids all have bananas with precise measurements? Something like that could ruin a kid! Nope, I decided I would spare my offspring the embarrassment of having a mother with absolutely NO banana slicing skills.
These days money is tight for everyone. When times got tough and I had to find ways to cut spending in my family and it wasn't easy. We sold stuff we didn't need and bought cheaper brands at the grocery store but after a few years of this we got down to the nitty-gritty and had to make our final choice. We were down to our last two items and had to choose what to keep. It was between our triple-ply quilted toilet paper or our Hutzler Banana Slicer. If I was a selfish sort of a gal, I would have picked the toilet paper but I'm a mother - and moms put their kids first. I choose to slice instead of wipe. Sacrificing is what motherhood is all about.

Since last Christmas our family has seen a dramatic change thanks to all the time and effort we have saved. My husband became Mayor, my kids each made the Olympic Banana Peeling team, our dog now fights crime and I am currently filming a reality show where we go around America staging Banana Interventions.

Thank you Hutzler Banana Slicer! You changed my life.

Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer

So I came across this Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer on Amazon.com.   American ingenuity & resourcefulness at its finest.  When we sing "Glad to be an American" each 4th of July, I think it's this life saving tool that makes us all so very glad and proud.  Ha!  Take THAT rest of the world!  In your face!!

I am so glad I decided to scroll down and see who, if anyone, had actually purchased said banana slicer!  My curiosity was rewarded with some very entertaining responses.   You HAVE to read the awesome customer reviews of this product!! OH. MY. GOSH. The more I read, the better they got, and the more I laughed. Genius. Brilliant. 
Here are just a few of my favorites...

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5,983 of 6,015 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars No more winning for you, Mr. Banana! March 3, 2011

By SW3K

For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. "Use a knife!" they say. Well...my parole officer won't allow me to be around knives. "Shoot it with a gun!" Background check...HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer consumed by seething anger and animosity towards thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to concentrate on my love of theatre and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I'll call it South Side Story.

Banana slicer...thanks to you, I see greatness on the horizon.

41 Comments | 

Was this review helpful to you?

Yes

No

 10 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars First the Bedazzler, and now this!, October 19, 2012

By 

'Nanas R. Mylife - See all my reviews

My life had gone to the pits of hell. Lost my job, lost my home, lost my man, dog ran away...and then it happened...Hutzler Banana Slicer. Do you ever get that warm fuzzy feeling when you just know something is about to change in your life?? This is the warm yummy feeling I have now,knowing the Banana Slicer is in my life. All of my prayers to the Goddess of 'Nana Slicers have been answered. All of my life I searched,and searched, been around the world and I, I, I...you know the rest! Now, my banana bucket list is complete.

October 18, 2012
By JWB - See all my reviews
My wife, Lorena Bobbit, wanted one but I said no. I'm so thankful she didn't have this lying around in the kitchen.

5.0 out of 5 stars Saved my marriage July 30, 2012

By Mrs Toledo

What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn't already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone.... this is one of the greatest inventions of all time. My husband and I would argue constantly over who had to cut the day's banana slices. It's one of those chores NO ONE wants to do! You know, the old "I spent the entire day rearing OUR children, maybe YOU can pitch in a little and cut these bananas?" and of course, "You think I have the energy to slave over your damn bananas? I worked a 12 hour shift just to come home to THIS?!" These are the things that can destroy an entire relationship. It got to the point where our children could sense the tension. The minute I heard our 6-year-old girl in her bedroom, re-enacting our daily banana fight with her Barbie dolls, I knew we had to make a change. That's when I found the 571B Banana Slicer. Our marriage has never been healthier, AND we've even incorporated it into our lovemaking. THANKS 571B BANANA SLICER!

7 Comments | 

Was this review helpful to you?

Yes

No

5.0 out of 5 stars Necessities 101 for the Recovering Fruit Ninja, October 24, 2012

By 

Indi - See all my reviews

This product has helped me through one of the most difficult phases in my life.

I was one of the rare black belt fruit ninjas raised on Incorporated mountain when my career took off as a master of fruit destruction. Apple had hired me to decimate their fruit population and I was a rising star when the worst happened. During a routine banana extraction I lost focus and, as with all great fruit ninjas, threw a bomb at my chopping board and decided to cut it in half. Needless to say this did not end well and the road to rehabilitation was a long one at Halfbrick Hospital. My experience had traumatised me and I was unable to cut bananas without becoming violently ill. As a result of my fruit free diet I devoloped scurvy and several pirates at the hospital attempted to maroon me on an island. It was at this island that I gained the trust of the local 'Hutzler' tribe and in thanks for my help rescuing the chieftain's daughter I was granted their totem treasure, the 571B. With this treasure in hand I am free of scurvy and on my way to recovery. Thankyou 571B Banana Slicer!

1.0 out of 5 stars Thanks A Heap, Hutzler!, October 25, 2012

By 

clydescutie - See all my reviews

I've been slicing Bananas for my family for YEARS the old fashioned way-with a knife. Then one day after having breakfast at my sister's, the Hubs wanted to know why HER bananas were in such pretty even sliced pieces while the ones I've served for years are raggedy about the edges and not so consistant in size....so I said "Well HER husband gave her a Banana Slicer-what do I have to slice with-a knife! I gave you my youth, I've cooked & cleaned for you for years, the least you could do is have gifted me with a Banana Slicer.But NOOOOOOOOO....no Banana Slicer for me..." Needless to say that it ended in such a row that the neighbors called the cops and both the Hubs & I landed in the pokey for disturbance of the peace and now the money I had carefully saved to buy my very own slicer I needed for bail....so now I am penniless, husbandless ( did I mention he left me for a gal with her own slicer?)and without a slicer which I can't use anymore anyway 'cause since the Hubs left me I have been banana-less, too. So I'm switching to cucumbers-got a slicer for that, Hutzler?

5.0 out of 5 stars Must Have! Don't question it, just hit BUY NOW!, October 22, 2012

By 

MiniAssassin2012 - See all my reviews

For those of you like me who are getting ready for the Zombie Apocalypse, this is a MUST HAVE tool! I had already packed my survival bags when I came across this item and I just couldn't pass it up. When food supplies are low this 571B tool will help you divide bananas equally so no one feels like they are getting ripped off (which could lead to fights and cause noise that could attract zombies). THIS PRODUCT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE!

The only downside that I've found (which on it's behalf is rather amazing) is I lost it yesterday and was searching my whole house trying to find it. I tore through the kitchen drawers and looked everywhere. Then sadly looking at the bananas I realized I'd never be able to slice again, I saw it. Snuggled warmly between two juicy bananas. Great camo 571B, great camo.

3.0 out of 5 stars Size does matter!!!, October 18, 2012

By 

obsessivecompluslive2cm - See all my reviews

Before buying this product I used to carefully measure my bananas with a measuring tape, or a yard stick! I used to tactically slice every little piece to exactly 1.2 cm. The task was ever so tedious. I used to stand in my kitchen for hours making sure every slice of my fruit was absolutely perfect. If it wasn't I would just throw it away and start a new one. Over the years I have had many mental breakdowns due to this obsession, but I refused help.
Then one day after being admitted into a crazy hospital after having a tantrum in the produce isle at the grocery store, I was informed about this banana slicer. So I purchased it. From that moment on, I knew I was going to be okay! The healing process is so much better with this slicer thank you so much for such a great invention!

5.0 out of 5 stars Some things are worthy every penny...., November 3, 2012

By 

Simplyjune - See all my reviews

This review is from: Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer (Kitchen)

I ordered the slicer last Christmas. Oh my, you should have seen their happy excited little faces that Christmas morning. Sure, at $6.00 it was over budget but you just gotta splurge and treat yourself sometimes, right? Besides, I could not have my children attend school with a banana that wasn't sliced! And what about when the other kids all have bananas with precise measurements? Something like that could ruin a kid! Nope, I decided I would spare my offspring the embarrassment of having a mother with absolutely NO banana slicing skills.
These days money is tight for everyone. When times got tough and I had to find ways to cut spending in my family and it wasn't easy. We sold stuff we didn't need and bought cheaper brands at the grocery store but after a few years of this we got down to the nitty-gritty and had to make our final choice. We were down to our last two items and had to choose what to keep. It was between our triple-ply quilted toilet paper or our Hutzler Banana Slicer. If I was a selfish sort of a gal, I would have picked the toilet paper but I'm a mother - and moms put their kids first. I choose to slice instead of wipe. Sacrificing is what motherhood is all about.

Since last Christmas our family has seen a dramatic change thanks to all the time and effort we have saved. My husband became Mayor, my kids each made the Olympic Banana Peeling team, our dog now fights crime and I am currently filming a reality show where we go around America staging Banana Interventions.

Thank you Hutzler Banana Slicer! You changed my life.