August 31, 2011

Syrup, and Mustard, and Silly String, OH MY!

In my Humanities class today we looked and talked about a few famous artists.   Sunflowers & Starry Night  by Van Gogh, Monet's Water Lillies  and then this painting by Jackson pollock:
So of course he calls on me to tell him what I see.


obviously, I was not going to give a popular answer....

What did I see?  I see the kitchen floor after my kids get ahold of items in the refrigerator. 
I see a pile of silly string.
I see a painting not unlike the 2nd grade class could do.

My professor then said, "So, is this ART?"

I thought.....

and then said "I know its considered Art to most people.  But I don't see it.
Tell you what, when this class is over, if I see this as ART you've out done yourself!"

and so the challenge began........

August 28, 2011

Cookie?

Roommates



HAVING MOM OVER FOR DINNER

You don't even have to be a mother to enjoy this one...

__________________________________________________________



Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate Jennifer was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.'

About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?'

Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure.. So he sat down and wrote:


Dear Mom,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house,

I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle.

But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
Brian

__________________________________________________________


Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:
____________________________________________________

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying
that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love,
Mom


LESSON OF THE DAY?
NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER

August 25, 2011

Dear Project Runway


Dear Project Runway,

Congratulations on designing the first outfit that gives the model  the look of wearing a diaper in the back and a wedgie in the front.  Yuck....



No, Seriously.....Yuck.

what made me smile today

August 24, 2011

It's what every woman fears and I wasn't prepared for the betrayal I felt.

I have known my husband since he and I were 16 years old.  Over the past 30+ years, he has never made me feel inadequate in any way.  Never, ever.  But I am not sixteen anymore.  I have had 4 kids and I am no longer a cute, young newlywed.  There is a long list of things I would love to change about myself so it is not hard to imagine that he has noticed at least few of those flaws on his own. 

He's smart enough not to let on that he notices, but some of the items on my list are just to glaringly obvious. It's these items, or flaws if you will, that each woman has on that metal list in our mind that get us in trouble.  I think the more we refer to that list, the more we wonder if he is as bugged by each and every item as we are and when we focus on the flaws, it is easy to believe others do as well.

If there was ever a time in our marriage when I put my dear husbands needs and wants above all else, those days are long gone. I guess I should not have been so surprised to find his attention drifting off in other directions.  I blame myself.  I should have tried harder, but as busy as life can get, at the end of a long day I think most women just want to be done with all the craziness of life and so we  try and do what we can before we call it a night and fall into bed for a long over due chance to sleep.

It was at the end of one of these hectic days that reality came crashing down on me in an unexpected way. I was getting ready to hop in the shower when I noticed a magazine on the dresser.  I picked it up and saw that a few pages were folded down a bit on the corner. I turned from page to page and with each new picture, I felt the sting of inadequacy.  I could never compete with the images I saw. 

I turned page after page and each picture was more enticing than the last. By the time I had flipped through each and every picture, I realised I didn't blame him one bit. I had to admit I liked what I saw.  But why wouldn't I?  I had bought this magazine.  I had bought it and brought it into my home thinking maybe it would be a good thing, but that had been over a year ago and I had long forgotten about it. 

What I had done for my husband was to open up a world of possibilities without delivering. How could I have been so naive? I decided to recommit and my pledged to be better and try harder.  It may be out of my comfort zone, and so what if I don't have the patience or the drive each and every time!  My husband is worth it and I think our kids will even benefit from my diligence.  In fact, I would like to think I am not alone and that some of my friends may even be in need of a magazine or two and maybe if I got a bit of advice or tips I could really get to be quite skilled! 

After confronting my husband with what I had found, my suspicion and my fears, he admitted everything. At first I felt like I had been betrayed.  Did this mean he wasn't happy?  Had I failed him?  Can you believe he even smiled at me while he explained himself?!  Just as I had suspected, he had been looking over each page and he liked what he saw.  He liked it, and I don't blame him.  Darn you Betty Crocker!  Yes, Betty Crocker... Obviously I am talking about a magazine full of recipes. Lots of yummy recipes with pictures to match!  It was mouthwatering to look at and I knew right then and there,  I was going to have to up my game.


I promise to pull out one of those pictures each week and just go for it.  The funny thing is that those pages had been turned down because my dear sweet hubby was going to cook one of those meals for me but instead of making me feel thankful and impressed, I felt guilty that I don't spend more time cooking dinner and I felt guilty for not making what I feel are picture worthy meals all the time.


Betty Crocker Recipe Magazine





I didn't mean to slack off all these years.  It's just so easy to hurry and microwave something quick for dinner.  It's an awesome thing to live so close to Del Taco on Taco Tuesday and pay only a dollar for 3 whole tacos!  How can I pass up 5 Buck Pizza when I have a coupon for a dollar off?!  I can't help it if there are times when Kraft Mac & Cheese sounds freaking Delicious! And what am I supposed to do in the summer when it is almost 9pm before I realize we haven't had dinner?  Am I going to hurry up and whip up some fried chicken?  UH, no.  It's cereal, a peanut butter & jelly sandwhich or leftovers for my lucky family!  Yeah, I admit it... I am far from Martha Stewart, but I plan on getting better at this cooking thing.  It's going to be tough but I am determined to channel my inner Housewife and bake something scrumptious, from the shiny pages of that darn magazine at least once a week.  And don't worry about me turning into a weird Martha Stewart clone. Because unlike her, I have an awesome husband who has  promised to cook for me once a week as well.  Take that Martha!

It turns out I wasn't betrayed at all! Instead, my husband helped to renew a desire I once had and that, my friends, is what a good marriage is all about! So, one way or another, I think tonight we should all turn up the heat with our object of desire and really get cooking!

bon appetit,

August 23, 2011

made me smile today

Fractions - How Do They Work?!

Paper vs Rock

August 18, 2011

Life Lessons


Five Lessons About How To Treat People
-- Author Unknown


1. First Important Lesson - "Know The Cleaning Lady"


During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.


2. Second Important Lesson - "Pickup In The Rain"


One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.

A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home.

A special note was attached. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."

3. Third Important Lesson - "Remember Those Who Serve"

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "50¢," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. "35¢!" she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.

When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies. You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.


4. Fourth Important Lesson - "The Obstacles In Our Path"


In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand - "Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition."


5. Fifth Important Lesson - "Giving When It Counts"

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save her."

As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?".

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.


August 17, 2011

You don't have to settle

If you feel like you’re running in place,
there’s a good chance you’re tolerating things that you shouldn’t.  You don’t have to settle,
it’s simply a choice you make every day.
It can be as simple as choosing what shoes to wear.
It’s time to reclaim your life.
Starting now, stop tolerating....




  1. People who bring you down. – Relationships should help you, not hurt you. Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and likeminded.
  2. A work environment or career field you hate. – Don’t settle on the first or second career field you dabble in. Keep searching. Eventually you will find work you love to do. If you catch yourself working hard and loving every minute of it, don’t stop. You’re on to something big. Because hard work ain’t hard when you concentrate on your passions.
  3. Your own negativity. – Be aware of your mental self-talk. We all talk silently to ourselves in our heads, but we aren’t always conscious of what we’re saying or how it’s affecting us. Start listening to your thoughts. If you hear negative thoughts, stop and replace them with positive thoughts.
  4. Unnecessary miscommunication. – Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Speak clearly. Ask questions. Clarify things until you understand them.
  5. A disorganized living and working space. – Clear the clutter. Get rid of stuff you don’t use.
  6. Your own tardiness. – Get up 30 minutes earlier so you don’t have to rush around like a mad man. That 30 minutes will help you avoid speeding tickets, tardiness and other unnecessary headaches.
  7. Pressure to fit in with the crowd. – Oftentimes, the only reason others want you to fit in is that once you do they can ignore you and go about their business. Don’t conform. Be you, because that’s the only person you can be.
  8. An unhealthy body. – Your health is your life. Don’t let it go. Eat right, exercise and get an annual physical check-up.
  9. Fear of change. – Life is change. Every day is different. Every day is a new beginning and a new ending. Embrace it and make the best of it.
  10. All work and no play. – Enjoy yourself and have a little fun while you can. If you’re smiling, you’re doing something right.
  11. People or beauty ads that make you feel inadequate. – Good looks attracts the eyes. Personality attracts the heart. Be proud to be you. You are already beautiful.
  12. Not getting enough sleep. – A tired mind is rarely productive.
  13. Doing the same exact thing over and over again. – You are the sum of your life experiences. The more you experience, the more interesting your life story gets.
  14. Personal greed. – Don’t let greed and deceit get the best of you. Greed will bury even the lucky eventually.
  15. A mounting pile of debt. – Always live well below your means. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need. Always sleep on big purchases. Create a budget and savings plan and stick to them.
  16. Dishonesty. – Living a life of honesty creates peace of mind, and peace of mind is priceless. Period. Don’t be dishonest and don’t put up with people who are.
  17. Infidelity. – Intimate relationships are a sacred bond – a circle of trust. If both parties aren’t 100% onboard the relationship isn’t worth fighting for.
  18. An unsafe home. – If you don’t feel safe at home you’ll never feel safe anywhere. Build a loving household in a safe area that you are proud to call ‘home.’
  19. Being unprepared. – Life is unpredictable. And there’s a big difference between being scared and being prepared. Always be prepared.
  20. Inaction. – Either you’re going to take action and seize new opportunities or someone else will. You can’t change anything or make any sort of progress by sitting back and thinking about it.


And remember, you only live once,
but if you live it right,
once is enough.

August 15, 2011

My day at the Testing Center

Today, for the first time ever, I got up and was excited to go take a test!  I  know it sounds crazy but for some strange reason I was looking forward to walking in to the University testing center and taking a 2 hour test.  Maybe I wasn't nervous because this wasn't a test I could fail.  I was there to take a placement test along with the about 40 other students who sat quietly waiting for the woman in charge to come in with the instructions.

We were given the basic rules and information and then things got serious.  The woman speaking to us changed her tone from informative to stern.  We were all warned to silence our cell phones.  Any sound at all coming from our phone would result in our test being instantly stopped, destroyed and we would not be able to take the test again for two weeks AND we would be charged 30 dollars to take the test again.  Panic set in and I, along with everyone else, grabbed my phone to double check all the settings.  I was not about to get in trouble over a dumb cell phone!

After an hour an a half I was done.  I raised my hand like I had been instructed and waited for the stern woman to come over and log me off the computer.  She was helping someone else so I lowered my arm and sat quietly.  Then it happen.  I heard a familiar sound.  Hmmmmmmmmm....... Hmmmmmmmmm......
It sounded almost like my cell ph........ NO!!!!!!  I knew I had turned off all the sounds!  Maybe it would stop...  Hmmmmmm....... Hmmmmmmmmm.......  Hmmmmmmmm.....  It was not stopping.  People started looking up and I noticed the table was vibrating.  Every bit of me was willing my purse to stop humming, but my phone had plans of its own.   Hmmmmmmmm..... Hmmmmmmmmmmm.....  Why wasn't it stopping?!  If someone was calling is should have gone to voice mail by now!  Hmmmmmmmmmm..... Hmmmmmmm.....

I put one foot over my purse and then the other foot and then I heard a voice from the back of the room... "WHO'S PHONE IS THAT?!"  ....Crap.

Hmmmmmmmmmm..... Hmmmmmmm..... I raised my hand again and she walked to my desk.  I grabbed my purse and looked frantically for my phone.  Then she motioned for me to follow her to the back of the room where her desk was.  I probably should have felt terrible but I was still searching for the phone and my freaking phone was still vibrating!  Hmmmmmm..... Hmmmmmm....  and so I did what just comes naturally for me.  I started laughing.  Laughing, while digging through my purse,  listening to that lound  Hmmmmmmmm........ sound coming from someplace within my bag! 

It wasn't an attractive laugh either because I was still trying to be quiet.  I was still in the testing room and  because it was so quiet, the vibrating bag was very distracting.
In between the muffled laughs, I was whispering to the stern woman glaring at me, that I had no idea why my phone was going crazy. 

Hmmmmmm.... Hmmmmm....

She did not look amused, but then I found the dang phone and pushed the button on the top.  Just as I had silenced the humming sound she reached up and grabbed my cell phone.  I think she wanted to see if I had a call or a text or maybe she figured something dodgy was going on.  But instead of seeing her stern look, she started to smile.  Then she started to laugh!!  She stood up, leaned over the desk and softly said, "you should be in trouble but I'm just giving you a warning.  That is too funny, so I cant charge you.  Just hurry out."  And I walked out while she sat there still laughing.

As it turns out, I had silenced all my normal stuff but there was an alarm I had set up many months ago that for some reason, had decided to go off today at 4pm.  It was an alarm which I had set to remind me to go to the gym and of course, I had been a bit creative when naming this alarm.  So, when this woman, who was about my age, took my phone to see what was going on, this is what she saw.....

It's 4:00
GET TO THE GYM
Chubby Chubster!


 I would have laughed too.  Lesson of the day?  Turn the whole phone off!!  

Girl Rules

1. When on a dinner date, order the steak.

2. Never make fun of your brother in front of other girls.

3. Let him take your coat. That’s the moment he’s been waiting for.

4. Don’t sleep with your bra on.


5. Yes, your skirt is too short.

6. Having an accent does not make him more sophisticated.

7. Learn to sew your own clothes. You’ll become a better shopper.

8. If you want to look older, try plastic surgery.

9. Keep diet coke in the fridge and ice cream in the freezer.

10. Ride a bicycle.

11. You don’t need to do anything to prove you like him. Ever.

12. Dance with your father. And not just on your wedding day.


-Walker Lamond is a writer, television producer and author of Rules for My Unborn Son (St. Martin’s Press), now available in bookstores. He lives in Washington, D.C. with his wife, son and newborn daughter.


August 13, 2011

A branch by any other name

A few weeks ago I found my self sitting in a dimly lit room trying to explain why I believe there is a God.  No matter what I said, my friend came back with a logical point of view to explain away faith or blessings as hope and being lucky

Finally, after two hours of debate on the subject, I realized what the problem was.  My friend had been going through life without giving her tree branch a name.  We all choose a name eventually.  And until we choose that name, our journey through life is tougher than it needs to be.    

Life is a journey of the spirit through all sorts of different types of terrain. Sometimes we travel through the forest or the desert.  Other times we climb mountains, tread water or walk leisurely through beautiful gardens.  The toughest part of the trip is when we find ourselves falling over the edge. It's unavoidable, we all fall.  We fall all the time. 

Instantly we yell out for help.  "Please God!" we fervently yell out in prayer, "Save me and I will believe in You.  I will have faith and do all You ask of me! Please! Just save me and I'll do anything!" 

And with that, we suddenly notice a branch we didn't see before. Our fear turns to joy!  We reach out, grab that branch and hold on tight. It doesn't take long before you notice a safe way down. Now, what name do you give that branch? You must choose.

You have three choices.  Your first choice is to call the branch Lucky and call out to God "never mind! I found a branch". 

Your second choice is to call it Miracle and call out to God "Thank you for answering my prayer!" or, you can pick choice number three which is to pretend you never fell in the first place.  Each choice will lead you down a different road so choose wisely. 

Every single one of us have these defining moments where we decided what name we will give to the branch we are clinging to.  Whatever road we take, it is still possible to get where want to go but,  I believe at the end of our journey we will find out that the second choice would point us down the best roads with the best views. On this road it is easier to see all the branches jetting out from the rocks.

Do we see God's hand in our lives or do we tell ourselves we are just lucky?  Do we feel our hearts burning and call it our spirit or do we call ourselves an emotional person and leave it at that?  We are all on a journey. Maybe at this very moment you are falling or perhaps you are just reaching out for that branch.  You have three choices....What name have you chosen?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Z1jVcmDH43Y#!